


Already Gone

by tastelessirondad



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Blood and Gore, Broken Bones, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, In The Feelings, Irondad, Nightmares, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Whump, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Peter Parker, Protective Tony Stark, Sad Peter Parker, Sort Of, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suspense, Thanos is an asshole, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, Tragedy, Worried Tony Stark, prepare to cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-08-20 05:04:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20222266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tastelessirondad/pseuds/tastelessirondad
Summary: avengers endgame AU where peter wasn't dusted and goes to vormir with tony to retrieve the soul stone





	1. all the things we wanted

A comfortable silence conveyed what both Tony and Peter were thinking. 

_What the hell were they getting themselves into?_

Steve had randomly assigned different groups different stones to retrieve, and the mentor-protege duo happened to be one of the unlucky bastards that found themselves off of the fucking planet sometime in 2014. Peter wanted to say something, anything that would lighten up the mood, but he knew how important getting this stone was. They owed it to everyone who fell on the unlucky side of the coin during the snap five years prior. Peter had to do this. For Ned, MJ, and the billions of other people that Thanos had taken away from their friends and family. _ Whatever it takes _. 

“Hey Mr Stark?” Peter asked quietly. 

“Yeah kid?” Tony replied, matching Peter’s soft tone. 

“What exactly do we have to do to get the stone anyway?” 

Tony sighed. Honestly, he didn’t know. Nobody except Nebula did, and she stayed quiet during the entire explanation of the so called "Time Heist". Tony hoped it would be easy, that they would rough up some dumbass stone keeper and be on their way, but a small part of his mind couldn’t shake the feeling that something was going to go horribly wrong. 

“I don’t know Pete,” Tony said softly, turning his head slightly to look Peter in the eyes. “But it’s going to be fine, no matter what happens.” 

Peter nodded, not breaking eye contact with Tony. If his hero said everything was going to be fine, then it would be, right? Mr. Stark would keep him safe, and they would do their part to save the universe. Together. 

Silence fell over the two again, and after what couldn’t have been more than 30 agonizing seconds, Tony spoke again. 

“Alright kid, I’m getting bored and we’re not arriving for another 30 minutes, so how does a game sound?” 

For the first time in what felt like months, Peter smiled. “Sure why not?” Tony grinned back. God he adored this kid. He couldn’t have been more thankful that both of them came out of Thanos’ twisted lottery alive. With Peter, Morgan, Pepper, and himself, the family that Tony didn't even know he needed was finally complete, and he would die before he let anything change that. 

“What is the first thing you plan on doing once they all come back?” Tony questioned, simultaneously beckoning for Peter to sit closer to him. The boy shifted, leaning into Tony's side, something they would have never done five years ago. 

“I don’t know,” Peter admitted. “Things are so different now, but I’m excited to have my best friends back.”

Tony smiled at that, because damn did this kid deserve to be happy. 

They were quiet for a bit, Peter counting the tiles on the floor and Tony absentmindedly tracing his fingers through the young boy’s hair. It wasn’t until much later that Peter broke the silence once again. 

“What about you Mr. Stark?” 

“I’ve got everything I need already kiddo,” Tony replied genuinely, continuing to run his fingers through Peter’s curls. “I’ve got you, Pepper, Morgan, I’m all set.” 

Peter laughed quietly. He opened his mouth to speak when a new voice interrupted. 

**“We have arrived at your destination.”**

Tony shot out of his seat on the floor and glanced out the window, Peter not far behind. The landscape that met their eyes was dark, unwelcoming shades of blue and purple dotted the mountainous terrain. In the distance stood a mountain taller and more ominous than all the rest, and it gave Peter the chills. 

_ Vormir._

“Wow,” Tony marveled. “With different circumstances, this would be totally awesome.” 

Peter nodded in agreement, and stepped out of the spaceship that had brought them to their destination. The duo stood still for a moment, taking in the beautifully mysterious planet. 

“Alright kid,” Tony said. “Let’s go get us a soul stone.”


	2. we were always meant to say goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter and tony climb a scary mountain and meet a creepy red man

After a long, quiet trek through the rich violet landscape, Tony and Peter found themselves at the foot of a very intimidating mountain. Or, at least Peter thought it was intimidating. Tony didn’t seem phased at all, he simply took a deep breath, and began to climb. Peter didn’t immediately follow, his head spinning with the thousands of ways this could go wrong. What if Tony fell and Peter couldn’t catch him? What if there was something up there, some horrifying monster that they couldn’t defeat? What if they let everybody down? As if sensing his reluctance, Tony turned his head to get a good look at the kid, and sighed. Peter was terrified, and it made the older man’s heart clench with the paternal desire to protect. It was at this moment that he promised himself, no matter what, Peter was getting out of this alive and well. _ Whatever it takes. _

“You comin’ kid?” Tony asked. Peter took a deep breath, and nodded, following Tony up the mountain. “Good, because what kind of spider child would allow their very young old man to do this on his own?” Tony joked. Peter snorted.

“Very young.”

Tony glared at him, opening his mouth to insult him back, but was interrupted by the lack of mountain left to climb.

“Ugh,” Peter complained. “I bet the raccoon didn’t have to climb a mountain.”

“Technically, he’s not a raccoon,” Tony replied, out of breath.

“Oh whatever he eats garbage.” Peter grumbled back.

“Welcome.” A new voice greeted. The <strike>father-son </strike> mentor-protege duo whirled around immediately, repulsors and web shooters at the ready. A dark, cloaked figure met their gaze.

“Peter, son of Richard.” Peter tensed, and Tony shifted his body between the mysterious figure and his kid. _Who the hell was this guy, and how did he know about Peter?_

“Anthony, son of Howard.” The figure continued. Peter’s gaze flickered to meet Tony’s, unspoken words exchanging between them.

_It’s going to be fine kid, just follow my lead._

Peter gave Tony a small nod, his baby brown eyes filled with an undying love and trust that Tony didn’t deserve. He would be damned if he didn’t do right by this kid, and now was the time to prove it.

“Who are you?” Peter questioned, voice both steady and shaky at the same time.

“Consider me, a guide,” The figure answered. “To you, and to all that seek the soul stone.”

_Why the fuck is everyone in space so goddamn ominous?_ Peter thought, still unable to shake the bad feeling he had been experiencing since the trip to this weird ass planet. He glanced at Tony, searching his face for a reaction. He knew the man was thinking the same thing, but he certainly didn’t show it. If Peter didn’t know the genius, he’d say Tony was taking all of this pretty well. But with the hard look in his eyes, and protective stance in front of Peter, the younger boy knew that Tony was just as panicked and confused as he was.

“Oh good,” Tony said sweetly, gauntlet still raised. “You tell us where it is and we’ll be on our way.”

“If only it were that easy,” The figure said wistfully, slowly approaching the pair of heroes. Tony’s other arm shot out in front of Peter, what Morgan calls his “Dad sense” screaming in his ears. _Protect Peter Protect Peter Protect Peter_. He didn’t know who or what this figure was, or what his intentions were, and Tony would be dead before he let whatever the hell it was lay a hand on his kid. The shadows fell away from the cloaked figure, revealing a face Tony had only ever heard about via his former best friend and teammate Steve Rogers.

Red Skull, nazi extraordinaire.

The stonekeeper began to walk forward, and gestured for Tony and Peter to follow. Tony wrapped his left arm firmly around Peter’s shoulders, keeping him close. After what felt like an eternity, the former nazi agent stopped at what Peter assumed was their destination, and he sure as hell didn’t like it. A few feet away from them was a ginormous drop off of the mountain they had climbed, and just looking at it made Peter sick. He didn’t even think it was possible, but Tony’s arm wrapped even tighter around his shoulders as the genius pulled Peter closer to his chest.

“What you seek lies in front of you,” Red skull announced. “As does what you fear.”

Tony gulped, and peered over the ledge. In front of us? Tony thought. As in, down that huge drop in front of us? 

“So the stone is down there.” Peter said, interrupting Tony’s thoughts. Tony resisted the urge to roll his eyes. That’s what Mr. Krabs just said you lovable idiot.

“For one of you,” Red skull agreed. “For the other…” He trailed off. Peter wasn’t sure he was following. What did he mean for one of them? He turned to look at Tony, trying to find an answer as to what the fuck the weird red guy meant. But his confusion was mirrored on his mentor’s face.

“In order to take the stone, “ The nazi said. “You must lose that which you love.” Realization dawned on Tony’s face.

_No_.

“An everlasting exchange.” Red Skull continued.

_No No No_.

“A soul, for a soul.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooohhhh cliffhangerrrrrr
> 
> that took way longer for me to get up than I expected. not sure when next chapter is coming out, but within the next few days I promise!


	3. someone's gotta go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Whatever it takes.” The two heroes looked at each other, one last plea that this was all a joke. That they would both make it out of here alive. 
> 
> “Whatever it takes.” Tony agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: major character death in this chapter, plus a little kind of not really graphic description of some gore. You have been warned.
> 
> I'm sorry in advance

“Jesus,” Tony said, wiping a hand over his tired face.

“Maybe he’s making this shit up.”

Peter wanted to believe that. He wanted to believe that this was all a bunch of bullshit, and that both of them would get to go home. But Peter wasn’t a naive little kid anymore. He knew what he had to do. Peter didn’t want to die, but he sure as hell didn’t want to live in a world without Tony Stark in it.

“No,” Peter disagreed, staring at the blood splattered ground hundreds of feet below them. “I don’t think so.”

Tony looked at him incredulously. This had to be made up right? How would Thanos get the soul stone then, if you had to love something and lose it to earn it?

“Thanos left here with the stone, without his daughter.” Peter said seriously. “It’s not a coincidence.”

Well shit. Tony couldn’t deny the truth anymore. He was going to have to die to get this stone.

“Yeah.” Tony agreed grimly.

Peter continued to stare at the ground, the reality of his life ending hitting him like a train.

“Whatever it takes.”

The two heroes looked at each other, one last plea that this was all a joke. That they would both make it out of here alive.

“Whatever it takes.” Tony agreed, avoiding making eye contact with the younger boy.

Peter knew exactly what Tony was doing. Tony was trying to sacrifice his life for the soul stone, and Peter wasn’t going to let that happen. He stood quickly, attempting to discreetly explain himself to his mentor.

“If we don’t get that stone, my friends along with billions of other people stay dead,” Peter said. "And there is no fucking way I'm letting that happen."

"Language kid," Tony deadpanned.

Peter rolled his eyes, muttering something about his mentor being a hypocrite. 

Tony chuckled. He was really going to miss this kid. 

“Then I guess we both know who it’s gotta be.” Tony said simply.

Peter stared at him. No. He wasn’t letting Tony leave his wife and child behind for him.

“Yeah,” Peter agreed. “I guess we do.”

Tony reached for Peter’s hand, savoring the last moments of physical contact he would ever have with his kid. The older man looked up from the ground to study Peter’s face, and didn’t like what he found. Determination.

“I’m starting to think that we mean different people here Pete.” Tony said softly, a small smile gracing his features.

Peter couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Did Tony think that Peter was going to sit back and let him do this?

Tony was seriously questioning Peter's sanity. A 21 year old kid sacrificing his life for a 53 year old man? Hell no. Your children are supposed to outlive you, that was the rule. And most importantly, Tony didn’t want to live in a world without Peter Parker in it.

“Do you really think I'm just going to let you do it?” Peter asked. “I’m trying to save your life old man.”

“Well I don’t want you to how’s that?” Tony replied stubbornly.

When Peter didn’t say anything, Tony spoke again. 

“Peter you're still so young. I've done my time."

Peter’s expression softened, almost accepting.

“You have so much more to lose than I do.” 

“And I don't want to lose you.” Tony said, choking back tears.

Wetness began to form in Peter’s eyes as well.

Tony gave Peter a sad smile, suddenly realizing that he wouldn't get to watch Peter finish college, get married, or have kids of his own. 

Tears began flowing freely down Tony’s cheeks as he wrapped his arms around his kid, one last time. Peter took a deep, shaky breath.

“Okay, you win.” He said into the older man’s shoulder, sobs racking his shoulders.

Tony pulled away, and nodded shakily. He could do this. This is worth it. He could-. His thoughts were interrupted by a certain spider child kicking his legs out from under him, knocking Tony to the rocky ground and keeping him there.

“When you get everyone back, tell my friends I've missed them.” Peter said quickly.

Before he could even move towards to ledge, Tony rolled them over, pointing his gauntlet at the younger boy.

“You tell them yourself.” Tony said, blasting Peter in the chest with an electrical current.

The younger boy yelped in pain, and Tony couldn’t help but feel guilty for hurting the kid, but it was well worth keeping the boy alive. Tony turned his head to look at the ledge, took a deep breath, and began to run towards it.

Peter quickly broke out of his stupor, adrenaline fueling his body. There was no fucking way Tony was sacrificing himself for him.

_ Over my dead body_, he thought ironically.

Peter quickly fired his web shooters at his mentor, knocking the man off balance. Tony gasped for breath and tried to get back up, but found both of his arms and legs stuck to the ground. He lifted his head to find Peter sprinting towards the edge, a determined look in his eyes. The boy gave him a small smile before launching himself off the edge.

“Peter!” Tony screamed, breaking through the webs in a panic and quickly propelling himself off the ledge in desperation.

The older man’s arms grabbed onto Peter’s shoulders and yanked, knocking them both down further towards the rocks. One of Tony’s hands fired a grappling hook onto the edge of the mountain, the other tightly grasping Peter’s arm. Peter wriggled under his grip, attempting to force Tony to let go.

No way. No fucking way.

“Dammit kid,” Tony yelled, dramatic music coming from somewhere above them drowning out their voices. “Hold on to me!”

Peter wasn’t going to give up. Tony had a wife, and a five year old daughter to watch grow up. Tony was fucking Iron Man for God's sake, and shit did earth need Iron Man right now. Did Peter want to see MJ and Ned again? Absolutely. But his life was a small price to pay for the fate of half the universe, so he took a deep breath, and shot one last web.

Tony watched him, and realized too late what Peter was doing. The younger boy had webbed Tony to the rope of the grappling hook, and there was no way Tony was getting out of this one. The two heroes looked at each other again, pure love radiating between them. 

“Let me go.” Peter said softly, acceptance lining his tone.

“No,” Tony shook his head, sobbing freely into the open air. “Please no.”

Peter gave the genius a small smile, tears flowing down his own cheeks.

“It’s okay.”

“Please?” Tony begged, voice shaking and filled to the brim with despair.

Peter’s feet pushed off of the mountain, and his hand slipped out of Tony’s.

“No!” Tony screamed as Peter plummeted down onto the unforgiving ground. He didn’t want to watch, but it seemed as though nothing could tear his gaze away from his kid, drinking in the features he could see, seeing him alive one last time. Peter hit the rocky ground with the sickening crack of his skull, crimson blood quickly oozing from beneath him. His body lay at an odd angle, multiple bones protruding from bruised skin. The hero’s eyes were open, and Tony had to refrain from puking up everything he had ever eaten.

"**Mr. Parker’s vitals have flatlined**."

The robotic voice of his AI is what broke him. Tony slammed his fist into the rocks angrily. Angry at Steve for assigning them the soul stone, angry at Nebula for not warning them, angry at Peter for sacrificing himself, and most of all, angry at himself for failing his kid. Peter was dead. And he wasn’t coming back. Tony felt his throat close up, strangled sobs shook his body as he mourned the loss of a boy whom he loved like a son. A bright burst of blue light tore Tony’s eyes away from his kid’s mangled body, and that was the last thing he saw before everything went dark.


	4. all our memories, they're haunted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically 714 words of angst and depression

Darkness. Lukewarm liquid embracing his tired body. 

For a moment, Tony wondered if he was dead. If the still liquor the surrounded him was his own blood. If the dull burn in the palm of his left hand was some sort of injury he’d sustained. 

If that was the case, death wasn’t nearly as dreadful Tony had feared it to be. Tony was numb, content, and couldn’t remember exactly how he got where he was, but the genius didn’t mind. So he lay there comfortably, for god knows how long, that is, until the pain set in. 

Searing pain in his arms, his legs, slowly crawling up until it exploded in his chest. 

Tony decided, begrudgingly, that he wasn’t dead. 

Could it be his heart? Was it finally giving out, unable to take on any more stress? Or perhaps it’s his lungs? Slowly suffocating until there was nothing left? Tony’s face felt wet, and his eyes burned with unshed tears. His throat felt raw, an all too familiar feeling after being cursed with violent nightmares for over a decade. 

So the genius had fought, screamed, and cried, but for what? 

Tony pondered this for a while, until his mind landed on a familiar face. A face accented with deep brown eyes and unruly curls that the man touched with every chance he got. That face attached to a body. A body that lay bloodied and broken at the foot of a mountain on a foreign planet.

Tony’s eyes snapped open as the reality of the last hour came into focus. 

_ Peter.  _

The man slowly moved to his feet as a flood of tears streamed down his bruised cheeks. 

_ Peter. God why did it have to be Peter?  _

The dull burn in his hand had intensified, and Tony felt that if he just sat here long enough, his hand would be reduced to nothing but ash. Just like so many of his friends and family all those years ago. That’s why Tony and Peter had come right? So they could fix things? Make the world whole again? 

Opening his palm, Tony’s eyes met the glowing orange light of the soul stone. The soul stone that would help bring half the universe back. 

But was it really worth it? 

Tony had lost Peter, his son in everything but blood. A boy that he loved more than anything. A hero far better than Tony had ever been. A man that sacrificed his life to repair a broken world. A broken world that the genius swore he would put back together, even though Peter didn’t live to see it. 

Tony didn’t realize he was screaming. Didn’t notice how his guttural howls scratched and scraped his raw throat. He tried to close his eyes, tried to do anything to escape the agony settled deep in his chest. Nothing worked. The grisly image of Peter’s mangled body below him, eyes empty and unseeing was branded into the back of his eyelids. 

“Dammit!” Tony bellowed angrily, kicking aimlessly at the water below him. 

“Fuck you kid!”  The hero yelled into the open air.

“Fuck this stone, fuck half the universe, fuck you and your self-sacrificial bullshit!” 

Tony slowly sunk to his knees, shaky legs unable to support his weight any longer. 

"I’m sorry,” Tony croaked, staring up at the sky. “I am so, so sorry Peter.” 

Loud sobs shook his shoulders, echoing across the empty landscape.

“I was supposed to bring you home.” 

Logically, Tony knew Peter was gone. But he couldn’t help the small part of him that was waiting for Peter to pop up from behind a set of rocks. Give him a hug, smile, call him old. But he knew that wasn’t the case. Tony was going to have to learn how to live in a world without Peter Parker. 

Did he really have to though? Tony had his suit, had access to hundreds of weapons. He could just end it right here. Because really, what was life without Peter? How was Tony supposed to live his day to day life, without being constantly reminded of the child he had failed? 

The genius shook his head. No. He wasn’t going to tarnish Peter’s memory like that. Tony was going to make Peter’s sacrifice worth it, even if it killed him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope that wasn't too horrible. we're over halfway through this story! Chapter five will be up sometime within the next few days


	5. you couldn't have loved me better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knew deep down that he tried his best, that Peter would have sacrificed himself no matter what Tony did, because at the end of the day Peter was more powerful than him. But if Tony had never insisted that Peter was partnered with him, if he had given him a suit and kept his distance, Peter would still be alive.
> 
> OR
> 
> 1094 words of sadness that lowkey sound like the end of the story but I promise its not

Tony almost didn’t attend the funeral. 

Partly because it wasn’t even really a funeral to begin with, considering they didn’t even have a goddamn body to bury. But mostly because he couldn’t help but feel like Peter’s death was his fault, probably because it was. May had certainly made that clear. When Tony and Steve had told her, she cried, she screamed profanities at him, and begged Tony to get him back. 

“I wish he had never met you!” May yelled. “This never would have happened if you had just stayed away from him!” 

Her words hurt, but Tony couldn’t deny them. He knew deep down that he tried his best, that Peter would have sacrificed himself no matter what Tony did, because at the end of the day Peter was more powerful than him. But if Tony had never insisted that Peter was partnered with him, if he had given him a suit and kept his distance, Peter would still be alive. May would still have her nephew. Queens would still have its best defender. Tony would still have his kid.

_ This is your fault. You could have done more. Everything is always your fault.  _

As much as Tony wanted to bring the boy back, he couldn’t. He would have traded places with him in a heartbeat, but Peter was gone. Permanently.

_An everlasting exchange_

Red Skull’s frustratingly calm voice haunted the genius. What kind of asshole is indifferent about the sacrifice of a loved one? 

Angry tears rolled down Tony’s cheeks as he took another swig of whiskey. The genius knew he should stop, considering he couldn’t even count how many bottles he’s downed at this point. Tony had a wife and a daughter to take care of, and he couldn’t do that in this state. 

That’s what Peter had died for wasn’t it? A 21 year old kid with so much life to live threw himself off a cliff so Tony could fix a broken universe and grow old with his family. 

But Tony couldn’t stop. Peter was gone, dead, and it seemed like an alcohol induced sleep was the only way to escape the nightmares. Any time he closed his eyes, images of Peter,bloody and broken, eyes wide open and painstakingly innocent, had him screaming himself awake, his eyes burning and throat raw. 

No one bothered him, and he was grateful for that. Everyone around him had been really understanding, and Tony felt like a total asshole for not acknowledging that the other Avengers were grieving Peter as well. When he had returned from Vormir, without Peter, everyone had been understandably heartbroken. Clint punched a wall, Nat and Steve had silent tears in their eyes. Bruce and Scott stared silently at the floor. A kid, dead for their cause. 

_ “Why are you all acting like he’s dead?” Thor exclaimed. “We have the stones, and as long as we have the stones, we can bring him back!”  _

An everlasting exchange. 

_ “He’s not coming back!” Tony screamed, breaking his silence. “And if you don’t believe me, go ask the red dickwad on that planet yourself!”  _

_ Everyone was silent. Natasha leaned into his shoulder, grounding him. The genius glanced over at Steve, quietly sketching off to the side. He peered over the captain’s shoulder, finding a drawing of Peter’s face, happy, smiling, and alive.  _

Tony sighed. He didn’t want to fucking do this anymore. He never paid Peter enough attention when he was alive, didn’t even tell him he loved him. The genius had always thought that it was implied, that Peter knew even if he didn’t say it out loud. Now he wasn’t so sure. What if Peter had died not knowing Tony had loved him more than anything? 

_ “Let me go.” Tony shook his head. No. He wasn’t letting his son go.  _

_ “It’s okay.” Peter said, tears in his eyes. Tony simply watched, utterly helpless, as Peter had fallen to his death. He was probably terrified, Tony sure as hell would have been, but Peter didn’t look it. A heartbreakingly peaceful look of acceptance graced his features as he hit the ground. Blood splattering with so much force that Tony was covered head to toe in crimson red. Blood. Peter's blood. Bones breaking, all the love and emotion leaving his endearing brown eyes.  _

_ Peter Parker’s lifeless body sat up slowly, limbs hanging at an odd angle, and his blank eyes stared up at Tony. _

_ “Why did you let me die?” Peter’s voice screamed at him. “You were supposed to protect me!” _

_ Tony only stared back, tears streaming down his blood covered face.  _

_ "I hate you!" _

The glass shattered in Tony’s grip, the shards cutting into his skin and scattering around the floor of his lab. Blood dripped down the man’s hand, strikingly similar to the blood that had seeped from underneath Peter’s body at the bottom of the mountain. His hands began to shake, the glass in his skin burning him from the inside out. 

But Tony was numb, he couldn’t feel it, but he wanted to. He deserved to feel even the smallest amount of it after all the pain he caused. He should’ve been faster. He should’ve just told Peter he loved him and ended his own life right there. He should’ve- 

“Daddy?” Morgan’s sweet, innocent voice broke him out of his stupor. The genius quickly wiped the tears from his eyes and turned to face her. 

Morgan looked worried, more worried than a four year old should be. 

“Hey little miss,” Tony said quietly. “What are you doing up?” 

Morgan approached him slowly, cautiously, as if she were afraid she would hurt him. 

“FRIDAY said you were sad,” Morgan said, climbing onto his lap. “And I don’t want you to be sad.” Tony chuckled. 

“Thanks Maguna,” He said quietly. “I’m a lot less sad now.”  Morgan grinned at that, curling into his side like a teddy bear.

“You wanna know what makes me happy when I’m sad?” She asked. The genius raised his eyebrows. 

“Juicepops!” Morgan exclaimed happily, dragging him to his feet. “Let’s go get some!” Tony lifted Morgan up and settled her on his hip. 

“I would love a juicepop,” He said, smiling at the little girl in his arms.  Maybe there was a Peter shaped hole in his heart, and maybe it would never be truly healed, but having the chance to keep living with his family? To watch his little girl grow up? It was a start.

“Thanks Peter.” Tony whispered, exiting the room with Morgan to retrieve some juicepops. 

_ I love you.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: "the next chapter will probably be up within the next few days!" '
> 
> also me: doesn't post until 2 weeks later
> 
> yeahhhh my bad. but here it is, and it's all over the place so sorry if it sucks :)


	6. i want you to move on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He took a shaky breath. “I know it’s hard, but everything’s gonna be okay.”
> 
> Will it Peter? Will things really ever be okay? 
> 
> “I love you, Tony.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only one more chapter to go! also if at least one person hasn’t picked up on my sleeping at last references i’m disappointed. i wrote this randomly, it’s practically word vomit, so don’t judge it too hard 😘

Tony stood in the doorway of the bedroom, swallowing hard as he gazed into the space with soft eyes.

It was a pretty big room, dark blue walls lined with large windows showcasing the flourishing garden below it. A spider-man plushie that he had found while shopping for Morgan sat on the black bean bag in the corner next to the bed. The bed was usually empty, because Peter spent most of his time in Cambridge or Queens, but it somehow felt emptier than usual.

The man sighed and walked through the doorway, settling on the foot of the bed and staring ahead at the blank TV screen. Tony sat there, silent, surveying the room around him. Every item held precious memories for the man. The MIT acceptance letter on the desk, the faded star wars posters on the inside of the closet doors, the array of framed photographs showcasing some of Peter’s favorite memories with his friends and family.

They had done it. They had brought everyone back and beat Thanos. The genius may have lost an arm in the process, but it was worth it. It was to Tony because Peter certainly thought so.

That was the sad thing about victory. After the battle, Tony had laughed (as much as he could with his arm burning off) , relishing in the feeling of being alive and the fact that they won. But that moment didn’t last long.

Everyone was back, except for Peter. He wasn’t coming back. They had saved the world, but a part of Tony’s would always be missing.

Tony blinked tears out of his eyes and sighed again as he stood up to leave the room, but then a voice he had been longing to hear for months stopped him dead in his tracks.

“Karen is it on?”

_Peter._

“Hey Tony” Tony turned around slowly, and a glowing hologram of Peter Parker smiled at him.

“So we’re going to get the soul stone tomorrow and not gonna lie I’m pretty nervous.” The engineer squeezed his eyes shut.

_Let me go._

_No._

_It’s okay._

Tony shuddered and focused his attention back on the hologram in front of him.

“I made this video, that Karen will only show you if I uhh,” Peter swallowed. “Die I guess? So this is to tell you that there’s a note for you in the black box under my bed.” Tony’s eyes widened. Peter had prepared for this?

“There are also letters for May, MJ, Ned, I might write some more I don’t know, so it would be really cool if you could get those to them.”

Anything. Anything for you kid.

Peter’s gaze centered on something out of frame. “So yeah, I’m gonna go now..”

Please don’t. Stay here, with me.

“But uh thank you for everything Mr. Stark, I’m sorry that I’m uh gone I guess.” Peter swallowed hard, misty eyes focusing back on the camera.

He took a shaky breath. “I know it’s hard, but everything’s gonna be okay.”

Will it Peter? Will things really ever be okay?

“I love you, Tony.” The hologram disappeared.

Tony choked, and quickly dropped to his knees in search of a certain black box under the queen sized bed. He felt around blindly, cursing his old age and stiff joints not allowing him to bend down any further. The genius continued this ritual until his hand slapped down on a hard, metal object.

Tony pulled the container out from underneath the bed, staring at the lid in anticipation.

Did he really want to read this? Did he really want to hear what Peter’s final words to him were?

The man sighed for what felt like the 10th time in the last five minutes, and removed the box’s lid.

Inside were 5 different letters, each addressed to different people. May, Ned, MJ, Morgan (the man had to suppress a sob with that one) and finally, Tony himself.

With shaky hands, Tony unfolded the piece of paper, and began to read the words written in Peter’s surprisingly neat handwriting:

Hey Mr. Stark. So I’m a superhero. I know that’s pretty obvious, spider powers and all, but sometimes I still have a hard time accepting that title. I don’t feel like the heroes that I read about in comics, or Iron Man, or very superheroey in general, but that’s what I am. I know that you know better than anyone that getting hurt is part of the job. That’s what we do. We sacrifice our wellbeing for others because it’s the right thing to do. Sometimes though, things go south, and our sacrifices feel like too much. We lay down our lives to save the world, and with that we know that there’s always a chance we won’t be walking away from that fight. And that’s okay. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to die. But the only thing I want more than to keep living, is to make sure the people I love keep living. I would do anything, and I mean anything, if it meant keeping you, Morgan, May, MJ, Ned, and so many other people alive. If you’re reading this, I’m dead. And that’s a really hard pill for me to swallow. For so long I struggled with the idea that it was likely I wouldn’t even make it to my 18th birthday, but I guess I realized that what I do, saving people, is worth it. My life means nothing compared to the world, or the universe, considering the circumstances. And I know that if this is hard for me, it’s a lot worse for you. You do everything you can to keep me safe. Don’t think I didn’t notice that. All the monitors and protocols just had my best interests in mind. You were always, _always_, there when I needed you, and I appreciate that more than you will ever know. So yeah, I’m gone Mr. Stark, and I am so so sorry. But the one thing I really need you to understand, is that it’s not your fault. There is no way I would rather go then saving someone I love (except for maybe dying peacefully or course but we all know that’s not an option) and I can guarantee that I didn’t blame you ever during the last moments of my life. I know you, and your horrible guilt complex. It doesn’t matter if you think you could’ve done more. It doesn’t matter if “it should’ve been you”. Because Tony, I’m dead and there is nothing you could’ve done to change that. Things happen, I fuck things up pretty often, and unless you physically fucking murdered me, there is nothing you could have done to prevent it from happening. So please, promise me, that you will at least try to accept that my death was not your fault. I don’t want you to blame yourself. I’m obviously not there to follow up on that, but I trust you. More than anyone else. I know you will always have my back, even when I’m gone. So I guess this is where the rest of this already too long letter is going. Thank you so much for everything Mr. Stark. This may sound cheesy, but I’m going to say it (write it?) anyway. My parents died a long time ago. My Uncle Ben died about 7 years ago. I know you know that, but I’m not sure if you know that you are like the father I never got to have. I don’t know if I've ever said that to your face, and God am I regretting that now if that’s the case. But I want to you know that I love you. So, so much Tony. You were my lab partner, my pseudo-dad, my relationship advice giver, my old man best friend. And you couldn’t have loved me better than I know you did. You don’t have to tell me out loud that you care about me, because I see it in what you do Mr. Stark. The random apartment visits, the late night facetimes while i’m in Cambridge, the safety lectures, the hot chocolates after a particularly grisly nightmare. You don’t have to tell me you love me. I know. This is going on really really long, so my bad, but I really just need to get this one last thing across. I don’t want you to stop living. I don’t want you to stop loving. I know that this is hard and I am so sorry for leaving you, but the team, your family, and the universe needs you. And I’ll be damned if it’s my fault you can’t bring yourself to be there for them. I want you to move on. Grow old with Pepper and raise Morgan to be the amazing young woman she’s already turning into. Do everything you’ve always wanted to do, for me. Alright well that’s pretty much all the gushy word vomit I can think of, and I need to sleep so I can be ready for whatever the hell is waiting for us on Vormir. No matter what happened, what I died for, it was all worth it. It may not seem like it, but if I gave up my life for it, for you, than I certainly think it was. I love you Tony. Live your life for me.

-Peter Parker (your friendly neighborhood spider-ling)

At some point during his reading of the letter, Tony had sunk down onto the hardwood floor to his knees.

The genius thought he couldn’t possibly cry anymore than he already had, but tears streamed steadily down his face.

_“You’re-hey, hey, I-I’m-I’m Peter.”_

_“Tony.”_

_“I can’t go to Germany!”_

_“Why?”_

_“I-I got homework.”_

_”I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that.”_

_“Don’t do anything I would do. And definitely don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. There’s a little gray area and that’s where you operate.”_

_“That’s not a hug I’m just grabbing the door for you. We’re not there yet.”_

_“Did you put a tracker in my suit or something?”_

_“I put everything in your suit. Including this heater.”_

_“You know, it’s never too early to start thinking about college. I’ve got some pull at MIT.”_

_“I’m trying to break the cycle of shame.”_

_“I’m kind of in the middle of something right now.”_

_“Don’t cut me off when I’m complimenting you.”_

_“Alright skedaddle there, young buck.”_

_“Thank you Mr. Stark thank you.”_

_“Yeah thank you!”_

_“What’s up Mr. Stark!”_

_“Kid where’d you come from?”_

_“A field trip to MoMA.”_

_“Kid that’s the wizard get on it.”_

_“On it!”_

_“You should not be here!”_

_“I was gonna go home...”_

_“I don’t wanna hear it.”_

_“But then I just thought about shooting a web and kinda got stuck to the side of the ship.”_

_“And now I gotta hear it.”_

_“And this suit is ridiculously intuitive by the way so if anything it’s kind of your fault that I’m here.”_

_“What did you just say?!”_

_“I take that back.”_

_“We’re now in a flying donut, billions of miles from earth with no backup.”_

_“I’m backup”_

_“No, you’re a stowaway. The adults are talking.”_

_“Lemme just say, if an aliens wind up implanting eggs in my chest or something and I eat one of you I’m sorry.”_

_“I do not want another single pop culture reference out of you for the rest of the trip do you understand?”_

_“I’m trying to say that somethings coming.”_

_“Whatever it takes”_

_T_he tears trickled harder, faster, as the memories of an amazing kid flooded Tony’s mind. He had no idea how long he’d been sitting there, but time didn’t really matter to him. Not when Peter wasn’t there to make it go by faster.

The bedroom door opened, and Pepper Potts stepped in.

“Tony?” She said quietly. The genius didn’t move, red rimmed eyes shifting up to meet his wife’s. His grief must have been obvious, because the second Pepper’s gaze locked on his, she was with him on the floor, wrapping her arms around him.

“It’s going to be alright Tony.” She murmured softly. They stayed like that for a while, until the genius’ sobs quieted and the sniffling stopped. Tony looked up at Pepper, and she gave him a small smile.

“It’s going to be alright.” She repeated. He returned her smile, and kissed her cheek. Peter said it was going to be alright. Pepper said it was going to be alright. And for once, he believed them.


	7. you know that I love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”We’re gonna be okay,” she said shakily, smiling at him.
> 
> “You can rest now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the cheesy ass epilogue to this angsty story that we all deserved
> 
> i’m sorry in advance for any grammar mistakes i did not proofread this at all 😂

The heart monitor beeped slowly behind him, and a strange feeling of peace fell over him.

It was 9:23 AM on a quiet Sunday morning. The October sun shone through the small window to his left, and for the first time in probably his whole life, Tony Stark wasn’t worried about anything.

The year was 2050, 32 years after Thanos had snapped half the universe away, and 27 years since the Avengers put a big band aid on the world, and all was (mostly) right again.

Pepper was on Tony’s left, holding his hand and rubbing her thumb across the back. Her eyes were red, but she was taking the news surprisingly well. Morgan, the 31 year old woman on his right, last name no longer Stark, was not.

The news being, at 80 years old, Tony Stark had finally met his end. Nothing serious, just old age, but his family wasn’t happy about it regardless. Rhodey, Steve, Happy, and Bruce had bit the dust years ago, and Tony was just the next to follow. The man was okay with that.

At one time in his life, he had a strange, kind of perverted lust towards death. As time went on, he got less eager for his life to end, but right now, Tony didn’t mind. He lived a long life full of both horrible loss, and amazing gain. Tony had done his time, and he was surprisingly alright with it coming to a close.

The Stark family sat there in silence, before Tony (because who else would it be?) broke it.

“I love you both.” He said quietly.

“So much.” Pepper met his gaze, and gave him a sad smile. Morgan choked on a sob.

“I love you dad,” She said between tears. Tony grabbed her hand, and brought it to his lips, kissing it.

Morgan was Tony Stark’s lifeline. Without her or Pepper, Tony would have fallen into that dark abyss of grief, and been unable to crawl back out. His daughter gave him a purpose, a reason to live, a reason to be better. Morgan was his greatest creation, born into a broken world, and part of the reason Tony had wanted to fix it. Did that come with a great cost? Absolutely. But a safe, whole world is all the genius could have wanted for his daughter.

The heart monitor continued to slow, and a nurse appeared at the door, gesturing for Pepper to follow her. The pair stood outside the room.

“Any moment now,” The nurse said softly. Tony guessed she meant to be quiet, but he could hear her anyway. Pepper took a shaky breath, nodded, and slowly walked back to Tony’s bedside.

In an attempt to make it look like he wasn’t listening, the genius directed his attention to the abundance of framed pictures on his bedside table. It seemed like Pepper wanted him to relive every important moment in his life before his death, and he appreciated it.

Tony’s mother holding him as a baby. An old picture of him and Rhodey at MIT. A press picture of Tony and Pepper on the day he first fell in love with her. The team at the first of many shawarma runs. Tony and Happy in front of Stark Tower. Nat, Steve, Clint, and Tony playing board games somewhere between New York and Sokovia. Peter and Tony covered in oil after messing around with a car engine in his lab. Pepper and Tony’s wedding. Pepper, Tony, and Morgan the day she was born. Morgan as a little girl, swimming at the lake. Peter’s graduation from MIT.

All of these memories, all in one place. One giant reminder of the family he’d gained over the years, including the ones he’d lost.

Tony felt weird, felt like he should be missing Peter right now, especially since it’s been 27 years since the boy sacrificed his life for the universe. But strangely, Tony held no sadness towards Peter’s memory. He held on to the fact, that if there was some sort of afterlife, that maybe he would see his kid again.

Tony missed Peter like hell, but if there was a merciful god in this universe, he would be seeing him soon. But right now? His time was running out, and he needed to focus on the family in front of him.

“You guys are the best thing that ever happened to me,” the man said, giving both his girls as big of a smile as he could manage.

“I love you 3000.” Morgan squeezed his hand, looking at him with eyes full of tears as his breaths slowed down, eyes beginning to get heavy.

“Tony,” Pepper said quietly.

“Look at me.” Tony obeyed, staring at the woman in front of him. Even in old age, Pepper Potts was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid his eyes on. And still, 40 years after they had started dating, the genius couldn’t believe he was lucky enough to be with her. She has stayed with him, even after everything he’s done and everything they went through. Pepper Potts was one hell of a woman, and Tony was grateful that he got to spend even a minute of his time with her.

”We’re gonna be okay,” she said shakily, smiling at him.

“You can rest now.” Tony looked at his family, taking them in. His beautiful wife, his wonderful daughter, the picture of a bright, smiling, Peter Parker on his bedside table. The genius gave their hands one last squeeze, and his eyes flickered shut.

* * *

The first thing Tony noticed was that he wasn’t in any pain.

Old age isn’t pretty, and a stiff back and joints just came with the title. But he felt none of that. The man felt like he did at the beginning of this whole Iron Man mess, at his peak fitness.

Tony’s eyes snapped open, and they were met with a soft, white glow. The man sat up quickly, and locked gazes with a glowing man standing in front of him. He looked strangely like Larry King, but Tony decided to ignore that for now.

“Hey Tony,” the man said with a bright smile.

“Good to see you.” Tony said nothing, and the Larry King lookalike took that as an invitation to speak again.

“You’re in the motherfucking afterlife Tony, you made it!” He said enthusiastically, moving to give him a high five. The genius returned it, a bit awkwardly, and again said nothing. Larry gave him a warm smile, and pointed towards a door on the genius’ left.

“He’ll be here to get you any moment now.” At his confused look, Larry spoke again.

“He hasn’t stopped talking about you since he got here. He’s excited to see you.”

Tony pondered that for a moment. He? His dad? Definitely not. That asshole did _not _make it into this afterlife. Don’t get him wrong, Tony loves his dad. But there was a special place in Hell for him.

Was it Jarvis? Maybe. But Tony wasn’t sure if he was even here.

Suddenly, the door opened, and a familiar face walked out, grinning at him. Tony swore he felt his nonexistent heart stop (was it even beating to begin with?).

“Peter,” He breathed, scrambling to his feet. This confirmed that this was in fact, the good place. Where else would brave, amazing, little shit Peter Parker end up?

Peter gave him a little wave, and glanced at Larry. Larry nodded, Peter stepped towards Tony, holding out his hand.

“C’mon Mr. Stark,” The kid said with a smile. That smile. That wonderful, handsome smile that lit up a room. God Tony had missed his kid.

Tony grabbed his hand and let Peter lead him through the door. A city that looked strangely like New York met him on the other side.

“So this is-“ Peter began, but before he could finish, Tony wrapped his arms around him tightly, and moved his fingers through the soft, honey brown curls that used to be so far in the past. Peter laughed softly, and returned the embrace.

“You stupid, horribly self-sacrificial idiot!” The man exclaimed.

“Oh my fucking god how could you _ever_ think that was a good idea?! I love you and I’m so goddamn proud of your dumbass.” Peter chuckled. The father-son duo sat like this for a while, relishing in the other’s presence. A comfort both had been deprived of for too long.

Tony pulled away, and held the kid at arm's length, observing him with teary eyes. The kid didn’t look more than 20, and his shoulders were the most stress free Tony had ever seen them.

“I hope you didn’t miss me too much,” Peter joked.

Jesus, how could he even begin to explain the magnitude of how much he missed Peter? The agony he felt in his chest for _years_, every time his name was mentioned? The chasm of guilt and sorrow that he almost succumbed to? The ruthless grief that brought tears to his eyes years afterward, the kind where his heart shattered beyond repair each and every time.? How could he ever find a way to tell Peter how his memory, the things left unsaid, haunted him until his final moments? 

“I missed you so much kid,” Tony said, sobbing and pulling him in for another hug.

“I love you so fucking much Peter.” Tony could feel Peter smile into his shoulder.

“You did it Mr. Stark,” Peter said quietly. “You saved the fucking universe.” 

_And I, am, Iron Man._

“Not without you,” Tony admitted.

_It’s okay. _

“You know there’s a lab here,” Peter said, pulling himself out of Tony’s arms.

“It’s been kinda empty for the last few decades, but now you’re here and we can fill it with all kinds of weird shit.” Tony laughed, a little hysterically, and sighed. He had his kid back.

“Alright then kid what’re we waiting for?” giving him a slap on the shoulder. Peter grinned, and lead him along.

Peter rambled along (as usual) as they walked, and Tony smiled to himself. He knew that the Peter-shaped hole he had in his chest would never fully go away, but the kid himself stitched it up just by being with him, and Tony could live (not live?) with the scar.

They met up with Steve, Happy, and Rhodey (Peter’s parents, Ben, and Peggy were busy doing other things) and just talked.

It was so domestic, a word that decades ago no one would have attached to Tony Stark, but the man himself could not be more at peace.

Eventually, Pepper joined them. As did May, Ned, MJ, the rest of the Avengers, and much longer down the line, Morgan.

And, as cheesy as it was (the genius had given up on any sense of dignity to moment he got here), Tony Stark lived happily, ever after. 

The End. 

(except it’s not the end, because Tony gets to spend eternity with the love of his life, his best friends, and his kids. And no ending is more satisfying than that.) 

  


**Author's Note:**

> yes i am aware that if peter wasn't dusted tony wouldn't have helped out with the time heist, but lets just pretend for the sake of the story alright?
> 
> hi if ur reading this, the story is done!! Yay!! Only took me like a month longer than I wanted it to! A sort of sequel (more of a add on) called “Letters from Peter Parker” is like half written and I have no idea if I'm ever going to finish and post it, but I am actually working on other stuff after an almost yearlong hiatus lol.


End file.
